The self-talk trick that changed my life

Every point in my life where I made a huge leap can be traced back to a decision to imagine the unimaginable.

At 38, I’m happily married with a 3 year old daughter. I’ve earned a graduate degree from MIT, built two Y Combinator backed startups, raised tens of millions of dollars in venture capital, appeared multiple times on television, and raced in triathlons.

But growing up I considered myself un-athletic, unattractive, insecure, not good at math, a mediocre student, and I dropped out of a state school to start a business that would fail….you get where this is going.

But that’s what I want to talk about with you today.

Every point in my life where I made a major leap, surpassing my “station in life” happened as a result of talking to myself.

Changing my subconscious beliefs.

As a child, I would often hear my parents complain about our family’s misfortune. I’d hear them talk about being unlucky. Not good with money. Simple people.

Negative self talk, especially when you’re a child, has a profound impact on the way our subconscious views the world.

And how we view the world dictates most of our reality.

Theta Brain Waves

Without getting too technical, just know that our brains have electrical impulses. These are measured with electrodes that can be placed on our heads to measure.

The number of times a wave repeats itself is known as the “frequency”. Sort of the like the frequency we associate with radios.

When we are young, ages 3-7, our brains are in heightened state of theta frequency.

Theta brain wave frequency is associated with the subconscious. It is slower moving. Think of how your mind begins to wander when you find yourself driving for a while on a highway. Or running in the outdoors.

Your mind begins to wander and suddenly you find yourself open and receptive to lots of good ideas flooding your mind.

Opening yourself to suggestion.

As we get older the theta frequency becomes less dominant and we enter into beta brain wave frequency.

Task oriented. Productive.

Think of how you would feel if you were in a debate.

The problem is that most of us move into beta frequency without first programming the deeper subconscious.

If you were lucky to grow up in an environment that supported a strong, healthy sense of self with positive thinking, you may have a highly regulated nervous system. Your programming is good.

For the rest of us, we’re operating on autopilot most of the time with some messed up parts inside.

We have internalized negative beliefs.

A belief is something you keep thinking. It’s a thought you emotionalize.

The Reticular Activation System

I first heard about the RAS, or Reticular Activation System, from Tony Robbins.

Watch this 39 second short video:

The way to understand how the RAS plays into the feedback loop described above is as follows:

Our thoughts impact our feelings and emotions. Repeated feelings and emotions solidify into beliefs. Our RAS filters out signals that don’t support our beliefs (to keep us from going crazy). And as we process more data that passes the RAS filter, we develop convictions.

A conviction is a firmly held belief.

Our job if we want to change our circumstances is to first change our thoughts.

We need a healthy positive vision.

And we need to develop loyalty to that vision.

“Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled” — Neville Goddard

Until you begin to achieve, in real practical ways that your eyes can see and trust, you will have to make a choice.

Do you believe your current physical circumstances which are re-inforcing all of the bad things you believe?

Unhappy at job. In a bad relationship. No relationship. Overweight. Insecure.

Or do you believe your vision?

I want to stress this again because it is the hardest part to overcome. Your physical circumstances will trick you back into negative thinking.

And the RAS will give you evidence that this is true.

Fortunately, there is a way to fight this.

A way to reprogram, or even deprogram, negative self-image and negative self-talk rooted in our childhood development.

A way to develop more loyalty to your vision.

The Power of Positive Self Talk

We get what we think and believe most of the time.

If we’re unconscious most of the time, our subconscious takes over. The antidote is to be more conscious. More present.

By thinking positively, you are voting for a certain belief.

Ask yourself, what are you giving more energy towards?

Gratitude practice and journaling works because it forces you to literally start writing down the positive affirmational evidence.

Most people have no aim in life.

They are given beliefs through societal programming. Negative news. Escapist entertainment. Substances to mask the pain.

When is the last time you spoke to yourself in a non-judgmental way and just asked a simple question.

What is it that I even want to believe?

Who is it that I want to become?

To change a circumstance is to get clear on this vision. If you’re clear on the vision, then you will give less energy to things that don’t support that vision.

Become insanely intentional about what you want to become.

Again, how are you speaking to yourself?

Your subconscious probably has lots of negative self-talk. This is the norm.

But try to begin catching yourself going into an unconscious state.

As soon as you notice yourself drifting, snap yourself out of it. Breathe deeply and become more anchored in the present moment.

What you want to do is develop repeated behaviors that support your beliefs.

A positive feedback loop instead of a doom loop.

Thoughts → Feelings/Emotions → Beliefs → RAS → Conviction

And you have to keep living it.

Consistency works not just because of the compounding effect of improvement. That’s a logical argument and I’ve never met anyone who successfully convinced another person purely on logical arguments.

I want you to tap into the emotional side here.

If you don’t continue reinforcing the positive behaviors, those neural pathway begins to die.

When you’re starting out, you may need to change your information diet to start consuming only positive media. Books. Podcasts. Coaches. Courses. Let those start to prime your mind and do the work for you.

What do you think you’re going to be thinking about if your information diet is flooded with this type of energy?

These are the thoughts created in you.

But even that is short-lived.

Eventually you must begin taking daily actions towards your goals.

By demonstrating to yourself that act the way your idealized self acts, you introduce more positive thoughts, which lead to positive emotions, which strengthen positive beliefs.

A therapist I once worked with said something that I didn’t expect to hear from a therapist of all people. A simple three word phrase to encapsulate all of what I just told you.

Do hard things.

Till next week,

-Tom

P.S. If you want to start today, reply back with your one main goal for 2024. I read all my replies and won’t ever judge. In fact, it will help you prove to yourself that you are someone who takes action and puts things into motion in the universe.

P.P.S. My course on how to go viral on X and LinkedIn is almost done and you can still grab the pre-launch price of $25. I also offer a full money-back guarantee if the course isn’t what you expected.