How to build high power networks | #18

Last month, a billionaire followed me on Twitter and shared my post with his nearly 700k followers.

Why?

It has everything to do with networking, a word I despise.

You see, the concept of networking as most of us know it sends shivers down my spine.

Bland conference rooms. Fluorescent light bulbs interspersed along old drop ceiling. Stickers with our names written on them in black Sharpie. Awkward conversations with strangers and stale coffee.

Foreign and manufactured, few people would ever admit to enjoying what we now call in modernity 'networking'.

Over the years, I’ve learned to reframe networking. I got so good at this reframe that it helped me find co-founders for a startup I founded in 2014, and raise millions of dollars from some of the top VCs in the world.

But when I started writing online in December 2022, I had no network to rely on. I'd spent a decade building technology companies, not posting on social media.

So in my newfound role as a creator, I was starting at ground zero.

And I used the same approach I've been using my entire adult professional life to build an authentic network of like minded peers.

Why Networks Are Important

If you're a creator of any kind (indiepreneur, solopreneur, founder, freelancer, coach, etc. — i.e. Soloists) you want your work seen online.

And you realize how difficult that can be.

You spend hours, days, even weeks crafting something only to announce it to the world and see it flop. It's painful.

I know, I've been there.

If you're spending time creating something you want to get your work seen. To do that, you'll need friends.

And today, I want to share exactly how to go about building a network of friends with internet strangers.

A third mind. A Mastermind.

The Inner Game

In the book The Inner Game of Tennis, Tim Gallwey dives deep on the mental processes tennis players need to cultivate. Before they can play the game on the tennis court, they must first master a different game. The inner game.

The 'inner game' we play is the one that involves quieting our inner critic.

The inner game is developing awareness to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgement.

You will face limiting beliefs. That's normal.

You will feel self-criticism. That's normal.

The only thing that matters is learning to quiet the mind and see your thoughts for what they are — thoughts.

Once you realize you're playing an infinite game, you worry less about winning or losing. All that matters is how long you get to keep playing.

Define Your Dream Team

Which accounts online do you admire?

Start paying attention to who is active in creating content — content you enjoy.

Notice their cadence.

Notice their approach.

As you start to pay attention to who else is playing the game, write down their names.

What you're looking for at this stage is accounts that are roughly the same size in followers or subscribers as you. This doesn't have to be exact.

Where do you find these people?

Look at the big accounts you admire and see who comments on their content with high quality comments.

See which accounts your favorite creators are following themselves.

You want people you could see yourself being friends with that are roughly in the same size following as you.

Some questions to ask yourself:

Do I enjoy consuming their content?

Do they share similar experiences to me?

Do they behave in a way that matches my energy?

We're building a dream team mastermind and its important to be intentional at this stage.

Become A Familiar Face

There's an old adage in Advertising that says it takes consumers 7 exposures to a brand's message before the message clicks.

Before sending any direct message, try to become a familiar face with your prospect.

Show up in their feed and leave thoughtful comments.

Offer interesting points of view or analysis.

Too often I see creators committing the three cardinal sins of commenting on strangers’ content:

1. Bland non-value add comments ("great post!")

2. Re-phrasing their content

3. Attempting humor

Instead, your goal should be to start signaling that you are someone worth remembering.

After several days (or weeks) of engaging with someone’s account, it's time to initiate contact. Send that DM.

Anti-Neediness

I receive a ton of unsolicited DMs and many of them are quite poor.

Chances are you've sent cringe-inducing direct messages yourself. The problem — you came across as 'needy'.

Neediness is a deep-seated desire for validation and approval from others. Its rooted in feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.

When building relationships, first ask yourself why anyone would want to build a relationship with you.

This is the professional equivalent of asking how to get a date — why would someone want to date you?

If you're secure in what you bring to the table, your value, you'll never come across as needy.

There is a balance that you'll need to calibrate and test but tenacity matters. Gary Vaynerchuk calls it the difference between a "humble hunger and anxious expectation".

To make it easy, use my C.I.V. Framework - Compliment, Interest, Value

• Send a genuine compliment

("Your post on X really hit home. Really appreciate you sharing your perspective on it".)

• Be interested to be interesting

("What are you working on right now? / I noticed you're working on X, how is it going?")

• Offer Value

(send a resource that might be useful / offer to help them for free / offer to introduce them to someone else in your network)

We love receiving praise.

We love talking about ourselves.

And from a behavioral psychology standpoint, we feel a deep need to reciprocate when someone offers us anything of value.

Reciprocity is one of the most powerful tools in our arsenals.

It’s a fundamental part of human nature to help people who've helped us in the past. If you haven't yet, read Dale Carnegie's book, How To Win Friends & Influence People.

The key is to be genuine, authentic, and expect nothing in return. Have an abundance mindset. Believe that positive karma will help you advance in this game.

Networking Is Persuasion

At this point you have two options — go for the ask or build more rapport with a face-to-face call over Zoom.

I prefer Zoom calls because, outside of meeting people in person, it breaks down the walls of social media profiles. We can connect on a human level.

Whether you jump on the call or not, you'll have to make the ask.

I find it best to be direct and confident — "I'm building X and would love to include you. If there's interest, let me know".

Once you start gathering a few names, use them as social proof to round up others. Filling an empty restaurant is tough. But pass by a bustling restaurant and suddenly we're asking about the wait time.

The Meeting Place

Most of the business of social media is done off social media, in group chats. Telegram, Signal, Whatsapp, Discord, Slack.

In our case, we'll want to create a Telegram group and start inviting folks.

Telegram is wonderful because it allows anonymous accounts to maintain some anonymity. You don't even need to disclose your personal phone number (if you don't want).

Congrats.

You now have a Mastermind that you hand-selected.

A custom tailored peer group of friends that all share the same or similar goals.

The benefits of a well curated Mastermind extend beyond promoting each other on social media.

The Masterminds I'm in consist of some of the largest and fastest growing accounts and made up of successful entrepreneurs in a wide variety of industries. Business deals are being done amongst the group. Remember, these were (once) internet strangers.

The power of the internet is utterly insane if you stop to think about it.

And so, if you want to start growing online, whether to build a second income or to replace your primary income, you should start making friends.

If you want even further help with building your first Mastermind, I'm working with a select few people 1:1 to help them. You can apply here.

I hope you found this helpful.

I'm going to be sharing more of my lessons as I embark on this new journey in 2023. My goal, as always, is to share the non-obvious and unspoken rules of the game.

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