Identity Shedding | #36

No. 36 — read time 3 minutes

Welcome to The Soloist, a weekly newsletter where I share timeless ideas and insights about life, business, and creativity.

Today at a glance

• Identity Shedding

• Meta-Question - Are you having fun?

Last week, I moved my family across states which involved all the usual packing, unpacking, and logistics you might image. With all of the commotion moving a young family involves, I didn’t show up in your inbox. It was the first week, after 34 straight weeks, that I skipped a Saturday edition of The Soloist. I didn’t post much on X (Twitter) and generally took a break from social media and content.

And it was a huge relief.

After getting settled in and building my new basement office in the new house, I finally had a chance to sit down and write. I sent out a tweet (can’t bring myself to call it a xeet just yet) asking what I missed during my hiatus.

My friend Michelle was kind enough to help.

Many creators on social media have their content strategy down to science. They’ve built up enough of an engine to understand what works well with their audience and what the expected reach should look like. This acts as a sort of “top of funnel” which drives traffic to their paid products which is how they make a living, or at least some sort of earnings.

A drop in engagement, and even worse reach, is tantamount to choking off their business and their livelihood.

But I suspect something else is going on if enough people are complaining about this phenomena.

American psychologist and philosopher Williams James said the number one need of humans is to feel validated by other humans. We crave validation.

A drop in engagement means less love from internet strangers. Less validation. This is crippling to the modern ego which is social media addicted.

If you take on the identity of a content creator and no one is around to consume the content, what does that say about your identity? Who are you and why do you matter?

This type of identity crisis used to belong to the realm of corporate life. If you no longer worked at IBM after being a lifer, with your whole social circle tied up in IBM culture, what were you? If you no longer seem employable in more modern times, what does that mean for your identity? If you were a founder of a tech company but want to do something completely different, what will your tech circle think of you?

Identity is deeply integrated with our ego and perception of self. It’s a filter we use to make sense of the world.

It’s also why so much of meditation and eastern religions focus on identity shedding, or ego death.

The key to resiliency, and even anti-fragility, is to drop all pretenses of a formed identity. Explore what feels natural to you. Dip in and out of identities and operate from a place of genuine wonder and curiosity. Be your authentic self, even if that takes discovery.

If you decide to make the shift to content creation, do it out of a place of genuine excitement and not because you’re looking to replace one job with another.

The moment you start obsessing over “engagement” and “reach” is the moment you’ve lost the plot.

None of that matters if your intentions are pure. Your fans and followers will find your work. Maybe I’m too relaxed about this but I genuinely believe this to be true. There is no point in trading one identity for another. The moment you see the game for what it is, embrace that a-ha moment and never let it go.

Your goal should be to become identity-less.

Till next week,

-Tom

Tweet: The Meta Question — Are You Having Fun?

I love Louie’s framing here as much as I love Christopher Nolan movies (we’ll agree to forget he made Tenet). But take a moment to think about the deeper point here. Is there a rule that says we must be unhappy with our work arrangement? Can work feel like play? Is that even allowed?

P.S. Whenever you're ready, there are 2 ways I can help you:

1. If you save a lot of bookmarks on Twitter (like me), try dewey. —
   the easiest way to organize Twitter bookmarks (I'm one of the makers).

2. If you're looking for coaching on audience growth book a slot here.

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