The Uncharted Path: Discovering Who You Really Are

No. 43 — read time 4 minutes

Welcome to The Soloist, a weekly newsletter for creative minds exploring the world of business.

Today at a glance

• Essay: The Uncharted Path: Discovering Who You Really Are

• Tweet: The Happiness of Children

The Uncharted Path: Discovering Who You Really Are

At 26, I barely recognized myself.

After landing a “prestigious” job running a content agency in New York, it seemed like I had it all. A year later, I quit.

Craving more freedom and an inner need to create something of my own, I launched a startup. My cofounders and I faced countless challenges before things finally started to click and the company took off. But despite the initial hardships, I felt fulfilled. Creating something of my own ignited a fire within me. Every day felt energizing.

Then that nagging feeling came back. 

Something was missing. 

As the company grew, my job as the founder morphed into the job of a CEO—a manager. Gradually, then all at once, I lost my freedom. I was responsible for a growing team. Accountable to investors. And on the hook to all the other stakeholders. That’s when I realized that what I actually craved, more than just the act of creation, was freedom.

That realization was the catalyst that helped me take the company through a series of decisions culminating in a merger so that I could step down from the CEO role in a responsible way. That was January 2020.

There was no ego involved.

No drama.

Just release.

This process of discovering my “authentic self” at first felt like arriving at a destination.

Now I realize that framing was not entirely accurate.

Discovering your true self is not a moment in time. 

It is a never-ending process of self-actualization.  

It is the hard inner work that helps us uncover our authentic selves.

Most people don’t ever experience this phenomenon.

They might experience some growth into their 20’s and then it stops. 

Flatline. 

Each day a monotonous repetition of the previous one before a decade passes. Sure they look older but they’re the same person they were 10 years ago.

Finding your authentic self is a byproduct of doing hard things. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Seeking the higher level pleasures of life (developing your talents, helping others, etc.). That’s how we begin to uncover the “authentic self”.

The authentic self is one of a deep sense of purpose and self-acceptance. Self-expression that is devoid of fear or judgment.

And it can only be manifested by digging into the unconscious (which is usually suppressed).

Why is any of this important?

I believe the world needs more self-actualized humans.

More vulnerability.

More connection.

Carl Jung referred to this process as Individuation. A process by which individuals set out to become more fully themselves. To strengthen authenticity.

As I made my own transition from corporate guy to startup guy to writing guy, I had to not just learn new skills, but unlearn patterns of behavior. New ways of bringing harmony between the unconscious and the conscious.

New ways of showing up in the world.

And each successive version meant shedding layers and revealing more of my “authentic self” to both the outside world and, more importantly, to me.

Creative work is one path that leads you there. It is one of the most vulnerable things we can do. It forces us to drop any notion of self-image, which is usually rife with tension and forces us to release attachment to the ego thereby making connection with others possible. 

Creative work is not the only path to self-actualization. But as I delve deeper into what it means to put your creative self into the world, I’m struck by how much inner work is involved.

And what it means for finding your purpose in life.

A Simple Process for Self-Discovery

This process roughly mirrors the steps I’ve taken as I went through my own self-discovery journey.

You don’t need to do each of these points but at a high level each one helps.

Here is a process to get you started on the path of self-discovery:

1. Engage in self-reflection
   Take the time to introspect and identify your values, passions, and aspirations.

   Ask yourself what truly brings you joy and fulfillment.

   Journaling, meditation, or seeking guidance from a mentor or coach can be helpful in this process.
   

2. Step out of your comfort zone

   Growth happens when we push ourselves beyond our familiar boundaries. Challenge yourself to try new experiences, learn new skills, and take (calculated) risks.

   Embrace the discomfort that comes with growth, as it often leads to new discoveries about yourself and your capabilities.
   

3. Cultivate a creative outlet
   Find a form of creative expression that resonates with you.

   It could be writing, painting, music, or any other artistic pursuit.

   Engaging in creative activities helps you tap into your deeper self and unleash your imagination.
   

4. Foster meaningful connections
   Surround yourself with individuals who support and encourage your personal growth.

   Engage in deep, meaningful conversations that allow you to explore your beliefs, values, and aspirations.

   Seek out communities and networks, either online or IRL, that align with your interests and values.
   

5. Embrace vulnerability
   Challenge the notion that vulnerability is weakness.

   Instead, embrace vulnerability as a strength that allows for genuine connections and personal growth.

   Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences authentically with others, and be open to receiving their perspectives and insights.
   

6. Set goals aligned with your authentic self:

   Define goals that align with your values and aspirations.
   Break those goals down into actionable steps and create a plan to achieve them.
   Regularly evaluate your progress and make adjustments as necessary.

The self-discovery journey will be unique to you.

Be patient as you navigate this process.

But most importantly, embrace the lessons and growth.

Living authentically is how you create a more fulfilling and purposeful life. 

Until next week,

Tom

Tweet: The Happiness of Children

Along the theme of this week’s essay. I often look at my daughter’s pure joy as she moved through the world and can’t help but think how much happier we would be as adults if we adopted even 1/5th of that playfulness.

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